[Musebox] - Honor Before Honors

[goodandtrue]

"This is the price that traitors pay," Jeyne's mother had told her shortly after the raven from the Twins arrived. It had been too horrific to contemplate, the news seeming like a nightmare, rather than reality. Yet her mother had found the means to drive the point home, to make it clear that Jeyne had not misheard and that Walder Frey had not lied.

Robb was dead, butchered at his uncle's wedding and savagely maimed. So the reports went, that is. Her mother had spared her the details, one of the few mercies she offered, as she would not cease her callous comments about the man that had been her good-soon. In her eyes, it was a means to an end and now she could have the marriage she always wanted for her daughter, but had been denied because of birth.

It had been arranged so quickly, Jeyne had little time to think beyond her grief. Around her the world moved, but in her heart there was nothing but the emptiness that Robb's death had left her. She was a specter, roaming the halls and waiting for her own demise. Her mother tried to cheer her, attempting to talk of weddings, but after being met with stony silence one too many times, she simply gave up.

Jeyne fought what little she could, no matter the passage of time or the years she suffered. She tore her gowns and struggled to keep her crown, the one Robb had made for her (yet failed to keep). Even on the day of her wedding (two years after Robb's death), she contemplated throwing herself from the cliffs of Casterly Rock. As though knowing this, her mother kept a sharp eye on her and practically dragged her to the sept.

Once it was all said and done (the bedding ceremony being the worst of all), she was settled in her new home and wed to some man that she didn't know or cared for. Martyn Lannister, a high marriage and one her mother had coveted for her. Yet it was nothing in Jeyne's eyes. She wasn't his wife, no matter how much he attempted to please her. She was Robb's and always would be.

Death changed nothing and did not free her from her vows.

It was only when Martyn received word to travel to King's Landing that Jeyne felt she could breathe again. Alone in her home, she could give way to her sorrow and sit by the sea, as she often did. Sometimes, she believed she could hear Robb or thought she saw him in the distance.

It was an illusion. Robb was dead and the gods were not kind enough to bring him back.

Comments

[goodandtrue]

He doesn't remember the name of his house, he has no past to speak of and he came from nowhere. Perhaps if there had been something, even a simple story to his past, she wouldn't be suspicious. However, if there was something that she had learned at the hands of her mother, it was now to let nothing go, no matter how small it seemed. What did she really know about this man who had not even been here when she first wed Martyn Lannister?

"How can you not remember?" He was lying. He claimed she didn't know him, but she knew he was lying. "Who are you really?"

He doesn't follow her command, instead sitting on the bed rather than approaching her. She doesn't let him slip away that easily. Instead, she sat beside him. She clasped his chin and turned his face towards her.

Those eyes. She knew those eyes.

She could feel her heart still in her chest, hope and fear rising in her in equal levels. Her mouth went dry as it seemed the very air was pulled from her lungs. "Robb?"

[kingofbadlifechoices]

He wishes she’d stop prying and asking. It would be so much easier for the both of them if she’d just stop that, if she could just settle with him as a kennel master and Martyn as a husband. Of course, he wasn’t a strong man but he seemed kind and most of the men around him claimed to be treated well. They could have wed her off to a Frey, for instance.

So when she sits down next to him he shifts a little.

“You should leave me be,” he rumbles with a frown on his face. But apparently those words fall to deaf ears, especially when she forces him to look at her by grabbing his chin and forcing him to turn his head towards hers. When she gazes at him he does not speak. All he can feel is how his heart pounds inside his chest. When he had learned that she lived after all that happened, he had decided he wanted to be close to her. Just watch and hope that she would be happy.

“Once...” he answers before he moves away from her. “I should not have come here...”

[goodandtrue]

There was no chance or desire to accept Martyn as her husband. He was a hated Lannister, a family that she had once admired but saw as less than pig filth. They had killed her innocence as surely as they had killed her husband. Or at least, she had believed they killed her husband. The more she stares into his blue eyes, the more real it became. This wasn't a dream or vision, it was Robb. A Robb that looked weather beaten and exhausted, his face haggard and pained.

He had been here for some time, shared a conversation with her and he tried to press her to accept Martyn as her husband. He tried to convince her to forget him. Before she could think better of it, Jeyne slaps him smartly across the cheek.

"You have been here all this time and you didn't tell me who you were!" There were tears in her eyes, swallowed down by her rage and shock. How in the Seven Hells was this possible? Robb would never deceive her or leave her to this misery. "You called him my husband! Husband? All this time and you tried to push me to accept him. How could you? I'm your wife Robb! Did you really think that I would accept another man into my heart and bed?"

[kingofbadlifechoices]

His cheek stings after she has slapped him and instead of sadness he feels anger instead. She is acting like some sort of mad woman, screaming and mentioning his name. When she is done he reaches out and presses a hand against her mouth.
“Gods be good, shut your mouth,” he hisses. “That you are furious with me is one thing, but to yell at me here is utterly stupid, Jeyne.”

Robb closes his eyes and mutters some curses before he lets go of her and frees her mouth.

“Do not raise your voice, I beg of you.”

[goodandtrue]

She stared at him with wide eyes, suddenly still as he pressed his hand against her mouth. She went quiet, all at once aware of how real this was. Until now, he hadn't touched her or spoken to her with the same fire he had once before. The feel of his warm palm over her lips made her tremble. There was fear coursing through her, fear and hope, something she hadn't had in a long while.

She feared trusting her eyes and his touch, to truly believe that he was here. Jeyne wrapped her hand around his wrist as his palm fell away. Her breath was harsh, painful in her chest as her heart beat wildly. "Robb. It's really you?"

There were tears staining her cheeks, catching her unawares. "How?"

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Robb doesn't answer her question and frees himself from her grip. Instead of that he just moves to sit back against the headboard of his bed and pulls his knees up. He cannot be Robb to her, he figures that it is too late for that. It is too late to smile or jape. Or be under some sort of impression that he is still a king.

"I am not easy to kill, I take..." he whispers with a shrug. Then he turns his head away from her and moves to gaze at some non-existent spot on the wall.

"It is good to see you. Yet, it pains me to see...that you still cling to me as if I still were your husband. It is not fair to lord Martyn and you know that very well." When he looks at her again there's no expression at all on his face. "He will not win any jousts and no bard will sing of his strength. But he treats you fairly, Jeyne."

[goodandtrue]

His words were enough to send her stumbling back, as though he had physically struck her. Jeyne's eyes were wide, a war waging between horror, dismay and disgust. "How can you say that?" Her voice was a barely audible whisper, unable to muster the same anger and ferocity she had shown before. The simple words 'as if I still were your husband' were a poison to her, enough that she expected to shrivel and pass into darkness.

She drew away from Robb as her arms tightened across her chest. "I am married already." It was the same protest she had given herself since the day the betrothal was announced to her. It didn't matter who the man was, she was still wed. Robb lived, despite what the world knew. Her protest was no longer feeble, it held some weight between them.

Only, Robb didn't seem to want her. He was content to let her go and to release her into the care of another man. It was enough to make her ill. She tore her eyes away from him. She couldn't stay and be faced with his rejection and dismissal. Turning on her heels, she darted into the hall, running with no clear destination in mind. She only knew she needed to run.

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Robb had no idea what he wanted from her now she found out. If she'd stay it would be dangerous, if she'd leave he'd be sad.
"I should not have come here..." he answers carefully. But he came after all, he came to see if she was all right now every one else has been dead. And he could not move. Not when she moved back. Not when she stood and run. It was as if he were glued to the spot.

And he did want her. To be fair, there is no other woman in all the realms he wanted more than Jeyne. But he is in no place to want, in no position to claim.

While she hurries off he pulls his knees up and gazes at the ceiling. He could be craven and run tonight. Would lord Martyn truly miss his kennelmaster? But then again, Robb Stark has never been craven. But then again, he could not stay and gaze at the woman that used to be his lady wife a long time ago. The world had changed and he needed to find a spot for his own. Maybe he should just go and travel to one of the free cities and settle there. No one would care about his past and no one would recognize him either.

Still, the next day he is still there, taking the hounds out for a walk, talking to some of the men, silently enjoying his meal in the back of the hall.

[goodandtrue]

He may have debated at what to do and whether he should go, but during the night, Jeyne made her own decisions. She and Martyn slept in separate chambers, one that she had left continually barred from him. As her candle dwindled away to nothing, she had gathered all she cared to keep and packed it in a small bag, stuffed then beneath her bed.

Martyn made a habit of hunting every morning, often not returning until later in the afternoon. Many of his friends and family members (lesser Lannisters) would be with him, leaving the keep empty, save for the servants. There was no better time for her to slip away.

When the last of his company passed through the gate, Jeyne tied her cloak about her shoulders and kept her hood lowered. She slipped down the back stairs and through the hall, emerging near the kennels and stables. Very few were in the courtyard, having retreated to the kitchens for something to eat and a bit of leisure time. There was no better time for her to flee than now.

It was only as she was quietly saddling her horse that she realized there was someone with her. Seeing him had been a revelation the night before, now it was nothing short of agonizing. He had pushed her away, he had made it clear he wanted her to move on. All it did was give her little reason to stay or little concern for her future.

Jeyne regarded him for a moment before returning to her task. "Are you going to tell them I'm leaving?"

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Robb had been busy chewing on a stale piece of bread when she entered to saddle her horse. He did not speak, having decided that all words were spoken already.

"I will not," he finally answers. "But I fear they won't show you any kindness when they find you." He figures Jeyne knows her surroundings but he wonders if she'd know where to go beyond that. "Do you know where you wish to go?"

[goodandtrue]

"I don't expect them to. It's little matter anyway, my life ended when Robb Stark's did." It was her mother's. She was living vicariously through Jeyne, marrying an old and powerful family, earning the standing that she had always wanted. She wasn't a simple merchant's daughter anymore, she was the daughter of Lady Lannister.

Very well, let her mother have what she wanted, but she would be damned if she'd let her bask in her victory. Let her mother feel what Jeyne did when Robb had been betrayed, even if it meant she would die when she was found. There was no other possibility. She would eventually be found, but at least she had a chance to taste freedom.

"Essos? Bravos? Somewhere across the Narrow Sea."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Robb sighs softly when Jeyne tells him how her life ended with his. He is still alive but apparently she has accepted that that life has come to an end. Slowly he leans back against the wooden wall of the stable, eating his food slowly.

"Hmn...have you arranged a ship? If you wish to escape, I advice you to arrange such things first. It would not do to gallop to Lannisport and just randomly ask for a ship."

[goodandtrue]

"I am not going to Lannisport." She at least had some sense. It was where her mother would expect her to go, staying near the familiar and not wishing to wander into territory that were at odds with the Lannisters. No one would imagine that she would take the risk to travel alone to another kingdom. "I intend to go to the Reach and find a ship there."

It was far easier said than done, but she wasn't going to be deterred. With the last of the saddle fastened, she glanced up at the man that had once been her husband. How was it that they were behaving as though they were strangers. She loved him, even with that darkness in his eyes. No matter what he said or did, she would always want him.

"Come with me."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

When he opens his mouth again he whispers and for a moment there is a painful look in his eyes.

"I am not...the man you have known... That is why I hoped you would forget me. I think it is better that I am forgotten." Robb plucks at his bread but doesn't eat any further. "But I wished to see you...just once more. I had...dreams of you while my wounds were healing."

Still, the look on his face does not change.

"Could you truly love a corpse, Jeyne?"

[goodandtrue]

"I loved you even when I thought you were dead." Forgetting him was impossible. She had always assumed her marriage would be thus, arranged and planned without her consent. If she was lucky, it would be a man like Martyn, simple and respectful...at least on his end. But Robb came into her life and she knew love, love and passion. She didn't want anything else. It didn't matter how the war effected him or that he was no longer the same man she met. She wasn't the same either.

"You are not the only one to change. You think what happened on the Twins only harmed those that were there? I died alongside you." She became a woman she didn't recognize, hardened and cold. It was hard to say whether that would ever really change.

She looked towards the gate, still open and still unmanned. She wouldn't have long if she wanted to escape without notice. ""Please, Robb."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Finally he extends his arms a little, showing his hands. His left misses one finger and a half and his right one misses a thumb.

"May I please..." his voice sounds awfully small. "...just....touch your hands..."

And time might be of the essence but he has finally mustered the courage to ask her. It would mean the world to him to be able to touch her again.

[goodandtrue]

Her eyes are drawn to his hands. She flinches a little, shocked at the extent of injury he had received. Without hesitation, she took his hands between her own. His skin was rough and hard from the work he had done here, as well as from the war. Raising his fingers, she kissed each digit gently, gazing up into his eyes as she did.

"You are not broken, Robb."

She guided his palm against her cheek, letting him feel her skin again, the skin he had enjoyed their first night together. "Not to me."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Robb notices her flinch and the moment he wants to pull his hands back she is holding them firmly. Her hands still feel soft against his. Soft, kind, warm and gentle. The touch reminds me of those moments a long time ago. Where she was his wife and he was the ruler of a kingdom. And gods, how he had missed her lips. He can't help his body from trembling when she kisses his fingers, even the pathetic stumps that were left.

"I am... You would not want me when you would..." But when she presses his hand against her cheek he stops speaking and breathes harshly through his nose as he presses his lips tightly onto each other. And finally he turns away.

"It is kind of you to still think so highly of me..."

[goodandtrue]

She had wished for this moment, just the chance to touch him again and have him close. His condition was horrifying, but not for the reasons he assumed. It was the first time she was physically confronted with the crimes her family committed against Robb. The Red Wedding had only been a story, something she heard and grieved over, but hadn't seemed quite real. Robb was gone, but the atrocities weren't as sharp in her mind until now. "I missed you." It was the utter truth.

Whatever his protests, it didn't remove how deeply she had longed for him. "Please Robb. Don't doubt me or what I feel. You should know how deeply I want you, no matter your state."

She shook her head, glancing once more towards the gate. Someone would close it soon and guard it as before. She only had a small window of opportunity. "Robb, come with me."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Robb is not entirely sure what to say to that and continues to gaze at everything except her.

"You missed who I was... There is a difference between that."

Finally he shakes his head and moves to stand, turning away from her.

"I will make sure you can board that ship." He nods curtly as he moves to check on the horse she had saddled up, tightening the straps of the saddle a little more. "There is no time to saddle another horse if you wish to go now."

[goodandtrue]

"You are determined to let yourself be miserable. You won't acknowledge what I actually feel for you or how happy we were. You assume you know what it is I think or know of you, but in reality, you are simply telling yourself what you think is easier. If you are content with your lies, then so be it." She could only beg him once. Anything else would be a stain on her pride.

"I will not accept aid from someone who doesn't wish to be at my side." She mounted her horse. "You are so insistent at breaking from me, why should it matter to you what happens to me on the road? I'm nothing more than a widow now."

It was a small window of opportunity. She didn't have time to argue. "Farewell. I hope you find some peace in your life."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Miserable isn't the right word. Robb would be glad if he could feel miserable. Or if he could feel anything, really. He remembers everything, he knows his past, he knows the names and the places. But he thinks she is better off without him and he does think he has no place in her life. He has no right to claim her or to ask her to love him. And he wishes he could explain himself properly.

"It is not that," he whispers as she mounts her horse. But he is not sure if his voice is loud enough. All he does is stand there rubbing his hands, knowing very well he has turned into a craven. And she moves so fast, so sure, her words firm and determined. And he can't move or speak.

"Avoid the woods. They are not safe."

[goodandtrue]

She doesn't hear him or his assertion it was another reason he pulled away from her. There is too much on her mind and the awareness that it is now or never. Giving her horse a kick, it charged at break neck speed through the open gate. The wind was sharp in her hair, knocking back her hood and revealing her curled hair. No one would be able to mistake who it was racing away from the manor. There was a shout of surprise from the guards, but they couldn't reach her in time.

As the distance between the manor and the road increased, she felt as though she could breathe again for the first time. Her heart was in her throat. Whatever happiness she had was soured by the knowledge that her husband had rejected her. He remained at the manor, cutting her from his life.

She couldn't afford to cry now, but her first night alone at the inn, she knew she would cry then.

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Of course lord Martyn gathered his men after the word of Jeyne leaving reached his ears. And of course he asked Robb to join him together with the dogs. And he nodded in response. And he saddled his horse, his head full of memories of her and he fears what her punishment will be.

He had always managed to keep those memories at bay, knowing exactly how to shut everything down inside of him and allowing himself to get lost in that vast darkness inside his head. But now he had felt her touch they seem to haunt him. And he finds himself longing for her touch, for her voice, for the soft songs she used to him in his ear when he woke up from an uneasy sleep.

And when Martyn decides to go into the woods, Robb stays behind. He could go now, he knows the roads here. He remembers where to go.

[goodandtrue]

She traveled the entire day, stopping to rest only when the sun went down. There was a relatively nice inn along the way, large enough that she could blend into the crowd without notice. She wasn't striking in appearance or manner, able to blend into the background when she wished. There was some benefit in not being a great beauty. Were she like Cersei Lannister, the innkeeper would remember her and direct her husband's household to the road she took. Instead, she could sit at a table, enjoy a bit of chicken and broth, then rent herself a room with the little money she brought with her.

She chose a seat nearer to the back of then, granting her a sight line of the door. While she was further away from Martyn's home, she couldn't let down her guard. If one of his bannermen or household appeared, she would know and be able to flee. She could at least relax enough to enjoy her meal. While it wasn't the most appetizing, it was the first plate she had since her escape. By far, that made it better than any feast.