[Musebox] - Honor Before Honors

[goodandtrue]

"This is the price that traitors pay," Jeyne's mother had told her shortly after the raven from the Twins arrived. It had been too horrific to contemplate, the news seeming like a nightmare, rather than reality. Yet her mother had found the means to drive the point home, to make it clear that Jeyne had not misheard and that Walder Frey had not lied.

Robb was dead, butchered at his uncle's wedding and savagely maimed. So the reports went, that is. Her mother had spared her the details, one of the few mercies she offered, as she would not cease her callous comments about the man that had been her good-soon. In her eyes, it was a means to an end and now she could have the marriage she always wanted for her daughter, but had been denied because of birth.

It had been arranged so quickly, Jeyne had little time to think beyond her grief. Around her the world moved, but in her heart there was nothing but the emptiness that Robb's death had left her. She was a specter, roaming the halls and waiting for her own demise. Her mother tried to cheer her, attempting to talk of weddings, but after being met with stony silence one too many times, she simply gave up.

Jeyne fought what little she could, no matter the passage of time or the years she suffered. She tore her gowns and struggled to keep her crown, the one Robb had made for her (yet failed to keep). Even on the day of her wedding (two years after Robb's death), she contemplated throwing herself from the cliffs of Casterly Rock. As though knowing this, her mother kept a sharp eye on her and practically dragged her to the sept.

Once it was all said and done (the bedding ceremony being the worst of all), she was settled in her new home and wed to some man that she didn't know or cared for. Martyn Lannister, a high marriage and one her mother had coveted for her. Yet it was nothing in Jeyne's eyes. She wasn't his wife, no matter how much he attempted to please her. She was Robb's and always would be.

Death changed nothing and did not free her from her vows.

It was only when Martyn received word to travel to King's Landing that Jeyne felt she could breathe again. Alone in her home, she could give way to her sorrow and sit by the sea, as she often did. Sometimes, she believed she could hear Robb or thought she saw him in the distance.

It was an illusion. Robb was dead and the gods were not kind enough to bring him back.

Comments

[goodandtrue]

She traveled the entire day, stopping to rest only when the sun went down. There was a relatively nice inn along the way, large enough that she could blend into the crowd without notice. She wasn't striking in appearance or manner, able to blend into the background when she wished. There was some benefit in not being a great beauty. Were she like Cersei Lannister, the innkeeper would remember her and direct her husband's household to the road she took. Instead, she could sit at a table, enjoy a bit of chicken and broth, then rent herself a room with the little money she brought with her.

She chose a seat nearer to the back of then, granting her a sight line of the door. While she was further away from Martyn's home, she couldn't let down her guard. If one of his bannermen or household appeared, she would know and be able to flee. She could at least relax enough to enjoy her meal. While it wasn't the most appetizing, it was the first plate she had since her escape. By far, that made it better than any feast.

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Robb has been familiar with the roads around the Crag. After all, before he attacked the castle he had to mark all the roads around it. And he had been in doubt about following her, about taking her offer and enjoy the last bit that was left of the man he used to be.

Jeyne probably went to that inn. It was the only place she could reach within a day and he finds himself hesitating, her words swirling around in his mind. But finally he moves, frowning to himself as he turns his horse. It could have been so easy, he could have remain hidden for the rest of his life, doing his best to ban all these thoughts out of his head. To remain the kennelmaster and just one day be dead...

But instead he gallops towards that inn, hoping he is still able to catch her.

[goodandtrue]

It was when she was nearing the end of her meal that Jeyne began to have second thoughts about staying the night in the inn. While the thought of a bed was appealing, she couldn't risk her safety. Where else would Martyn's men be able to find her, but staying in the comfortable and in the safe. She had never ventured far from home or her family. If she wanted to remain undetected, she needed to put herself at risk and sleep somewhere out of sight.

Collecting her things, Jeyne pulled down her hood and slipped outside. There was another rider outside, dark against the night. She felt herself instinctively flinch, waiting for the man to shout and for a team of guards to swarm her. Instead, he seemed to analyze her and watch her carefully. She tried to shrink away, but as the seconds passed, she found herself staring back at him in confusion and surprise.

"Robb?" He had made it clear that he wanted to pull away from her, to break with the past because he was nothing more than a shadow of the man he was. Yet he had come to her. "You're here."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

“Yeah...” he murmurs in reply when she notices him. The only guard he has with him is one of the dogs. It would be folly to try to rid himself of that dog, it would follow him around everywhere. Like Grey Wind used to. “As you can see.”

There still is no emotion in his voice and he climbs off of his horse in a stiff way, as if he is not able to bend his limbs properly.

“Lord Martyn will find you here for sure. But I take you have made that conclusion as well.” He talks softly. “You’re still quite resourceful.” To be honest, there aren’t many safe spaces here to hang around or to get some sleep. The best thing for her to do is to ride all night.

“You should be one the move during nightfall. Not stand still. Have you brought enough food?”

[goodandtrue]

She understood what his presence meant, but couldn't bring herself to admit it in her mind. There was still a chance this wasn't real, still a chance that Robb could reject her once more. Her heart had already been battered, she didn't wish to be further broken by the man she loved beyond reason. She hardly noticed the dog, her eyes were locked on Rob. As he dismounted, she took a step back, wary of him.

If only there was emotion in his voice. He was so serious, more than she had come to know in him. She pulled her cloak tighter, watching him with wide eyes. "What are you doing here?"

She wasn't certain how resourceful she was. Whatever she knew of strategy, she had learned it from on particular source. "You were a skilled tactician. I listened to all you said." She shivered. There was no wind, yet she felt chilled and empty.

"I have enough until tomorrow." She paused and then added, "It isn't safe for a woman to travel at night alone."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

When she takes a step back he does not move at all. He just watches it happen and nothing comes up in his head. It has been a long time he truly felt something beyond guilt.

"I came to look after you," he simply says, shrugging. "I think it is quite obvious, is it not?"

Robb shakes his head at her words and a joyless chuckle makes it past his lips. "I was a lucky boy." He pauses before he speaks again, his voice firm and monotone. "I can lead you through the forest without any trouble. You just need to know what paths to avoid."

[goodandtrue]

She wants to shield herself, but hope has its hooks in her. He had been clear when he told her that he couldn't be with her, but here he was. The path didn't seem so long or dark, but it was unwieldy and uncertain. How could she know he wouldn't change his mind? "You are coming with me?" Her voice is soft and hesitant, afraid of the answer.

She takes a step closer, quieting the voices of warning in her head. "It is, but you told me that you..." She trailed off, not wanting him to go back to that line of thinking. That he wasn't good enough for her.

"Only if we are to go together."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

"I do not want to speak of that," he simply says. "Of has beens or anything that belongs to a past that used to belong to me. It is not who I am anymore."

But she is still Jeyne and she still knows him better than he does himself. He knows that very well. It is not something he can just put aside.

"We will. They will find you or others will." After those words he nods and climbs back onto his horse. "Follow me."

[goodandtrue]

She swung her leg over the saddle, knickering at her mare. She wasn't nearly as good a rider as Robb was, but her mare was sure and intelligent. She more than made up for Jeyne's lack of skill. "You have a future, Robb. It won't be has been or anything of that sort. Stay with me."

She kicks her heels into the side of her mare, urging the gentle creature into a canter. Jeyne glanced over her shoulder, waiting for Robb to charge ahead.

"We will have to ride long into the night."

this is not a quality tag :c

[kingofbadlifechoices]

"We will see what the future brings," he answers softly. Robb does not feel like making such promises now. He has no goals in life and if he had he should not know where to begin.

His hands tighten around the reigns of his horse before he kicks it into gear, going into a full out gallop immediately. "Follow me."

What has always been a good thing about riding is that it does not involve much talking. All he can do is show her the way out of this. It is the one thing he could do.

Hush <3<3<3<3

[goodandtrue]

They rode on in constant silence, Robb seemingly focused on the path while Jeyne was lost in what to say to him. He didn't want to give promises or consider the future. What future did they really have? It was a void, an endless stretch of time that she had never seen or experienced before. There was no household to oversee or her mother to dictate her every move.

It was nearing dawn when they seemed to slow, nearing the docks of the Reach. Her legs were sore and she could barely keep her eyes open. There were ships nearby, there had to be one she could pay for passage.

"Which one should we hire?" She asked, nearly slumping against her mare.

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Robb has no idea. He has no idea if he wishes to pursuit a future. And whatever Jeyne says, he cannot understand why she'd want him this way. And he has no idea why he hopes for something that cannot be reached. She seemed to want to fill his head with brightness while he struggles to get out of its darkness. But there is no point where they can meet halfway.

"How much did you bring?" he asks, looking over his shoulder. "I'm sure you can convince one of the traders."

[goodandtrue]

She doesn't know whether or not Robb would follow her, instead choosing to return to Martyn's estate. She didn't want to ask him or risk hearing an answer that would only serve to break her heart. She had to trust that there was still a part of him that wanted her, even if it was only a piece. She needed to believe that he would follow her anywhere, including the Free Cities across the Narrow Sea.

There was a coin purse in her bag, but it might not be enough. She at least had the foresight to bring some of her jewelry, likely enough that she could be given a comfortable cabin. It would be dangerous though, if she did travel without a protector.

"Enough." The Dauntless. That seemed like a good name for a ship. She glanced back at him, clutching her hands tighter together. "This one seems to be sturdy. I could speak with the captain?"

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Being in the city makes him feel extremely anxious. He fears to be recognized, to see a finger extending towards him, voices calling his name. Robb is fairly sure he would not be able to handle more torture and cruelty. More scars and blood, more loss of all he has been. A shiver goes down his back and he shudders underneath his cloak.

Yet when she speaks he snaps out of it.

“Truly?” he asks with a blank look on his face. Finally he moves to stand next to her, eyes flashing from her face to the ship she points out to him. It shows it that he doesn’t feel comfortable at all. Too many people, too many eyes.

“You cannot just ask any random ship. That seems a war galley, it will probably not take you to Braavos.” He smiles a joyless smile. “Try the merchants.”

[goodandtrue]

She feels safer, as there were few who would recognize her, even in the Westerlands. Her appearance was plain enough that she didn't stand out in the same way that Cersei Lannister did. Untying her cloak, she draped it around Robb, pulling the hood down over his face. He would at least be concealed, though she suspected very few would know him. He didn't look the same as he used to. He had no direwolf to mark him as a Stark. He looked closer to a vagrant than anything else.

She took his hand in hers, no longer flinching at the feel of his missing fingers, giving him an encouraging squeeze.

"I don't know the difference between ships." She said, smiling at him in an effort to reassure him. She looked across the docks, trying to figure out which one would be a merchant and which one a war galley. She point further down the line at a ship with gold gilding along the bow. "What about that one?"

[kingofbadlifechoices]

Even though Robb does not want to he can feel his body flinch the second she drapes the cloak around his shoulders. The moment people come close or touch him he cannot control himself and rather go into full defence mode, expecting pain to come.

"I'm sorry...I..." he mutters under his breath, not allowing her to touch his hand for long either. "It is not you..."

Robb fears she would take it personally, like the prime example that he did not want her anymore. Or disliked her.

"The merchant ships are heavier, larger. They're built to carry more load... War galleys are small and swift, meant to be at a place quickly to engage in war. And the captains...they...they might look differently..." Robb figures that Braavosi dress differently. They would speak a different tongue.

[goodandtrue]

She understood enough to recognize she mad an error. He hadn't spoken of what happened to him, but she knew his response was because of the Red Wedding. There was a soft, understanding smile on her face as she gazed back at him. "You don't need to apologize, Robb. I should have known." She folded her hands together, staying any further temptation she might have.

She nodded, listening to his explanation. Finally, she found a ship matching that description. She approached the captain, determining where he was headed. Braavos, exactly where she hoped to flee to. Handing him a bag of coins, she purchased a room and passage, enough for two, though she didn't know if Robb intended to follow.

Jeyne turned back to look at him. "We have a cabin."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

“It is fine...worry not...” he whispers in return, keeping his hands close to his body. There are a lot of reasons why he does not like others to touch him still he could not tell anyone about it. It was painful to him and Robb has accepted the part of him that has become craven. If he had any dreams of riding North he forces himself to forget those dreams immediately.

Still he watches her when she leaves to make arrangements and he is aware of some sort of longing. It is the first time he feels something like that and it takes him off guard a little.

“For us?” he asks after she mentions the cabin. For a moment he silences, feeling some sort of fear coming over him. What if he would go with her? What if she would find out he does not even resemble the Robb she used to know? “Truly...why would you want me to join you?” He pauses to take a deep breath.

“I fear you may not like what I am. How I look... I do not want you to be disappointed, Jeyne.”

[goodandtrue]

"For us." She reaffirms, a gentle smile on her face. "Robb, it doesn't matter what you look like." The impulse to reach for his hand was there, but she stayed her hand, not wanting to frighten him again. "I love you. I have had to live with the belief that you were dead. I would rather have you, no matter your appearance than to live without you again."

She held out her hand for him, offering him the chance to accept that gentle touch again. She didn't fear his missing fingers or the scars that he might have accumulated. She could soothe those away. It was whether his heart was willing or not to take this step.

"We can live freely in Braavos. We will be safe and together." They could have a cottage by the sea, somewhere secluded and quiet. It was all she could ever want. The man she loved and a home away from the game of thrones. "Come with me."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

“For us...” he repeats the words carefully, peeking at her from underneath his hood. Yet it was hard to completely believe her, to take this as a truth and not some lie. That it would not end up in cruelty and pain. That it was not just another way to torture him. “I have been close to dying many times. But they never let me.”

For a moment Robb thinks about his siblings and Winterfell and he wonders if he would ever find them again. Or maybe they slaughtered them all as a punishment for the things he did as a king. There is a lot of hesitation in him when he moves and it is hard for him to filter out the thoughts that are truly his and not those coming from all the damage he endured in his past.

“I am truly craven... I am not brave or... I cannot protect you.” But he truly wants to be with her, gods, his heart aches for her presence. Yet he is so bloody scared. So bloody frozen and focused on facing on the here and now instead of dwelling on a past he wants to forget. Finally he shows her his hands. “I cannot even hold a sword anymore...or a bloody spoon...” And while standing there he whispers these words harshly, not wanting anyone to hear them.

“How can I expect that I can hold you?” Still, he touches one of her hands carefully, eyes narrowing slightly as he does. It’s odd to see those clumsy stubs dancing over such perfect skin. Almost unreal.

[goodandtrue]

She felt herself bracing for rejection once more, for him to pull back and hide in the darkness he surrounded him with. There was a wall between them, as cold and thick as the one guarded by the Night's Watch. She wanted to climb it, to scale to the other side and find the man that loved her once. To rescue the man that wanted happiness, she could see it hiding behind his eyes.

There was nothing for her in this world. Raynald was gone and her family was willing to sell her like a whore to bring down their enemies. That deception made her sick at heart and she couldn't abide the life they had chosen for her. She needed to find it for herself and make her own way, however hard it might be.

"I don't need your protection, Robb." She might be a woman, but she was willing to flee on her own, without guard or escort. Death was better than imprisonment, which was what her marriage was. "You won't need a sword, you don't need armor. All we need is a small home, somewhere peaceful."

She drew his hand to her face, pressing a kiss to his palm before encouraging him to touch her. "You can hold me now. All it takes is drawing me into your arms."

[kingofbadlifechoices]

There had always been some sort of solace in taking care of dogs. Dogs did not judge. They did not really care about what Robb has been in the past. And even though Robb did his very best to not think about his past and the many titles he bore, it always nagged at him. All those 'could haves' and 'should haves'. That he lost most of himself was only a fitting punishment for being a failure of a king. It is only fair that he should not think of gaining anything of it. He had no right.

"I know of that..." He nods curtly at her answer. Somehow it hurts. Maybe some part of him had hoped that Jeyne wanted his protection. Needed it in a way the North needed a better king. "You should not speak my name...here... Not out loud. Call me Robert if you must."

He is ready to step back again, ready to convince himself that this is not for him, that he has no right, that he does not belong next to her anymore. Times had gone. Winterfell did not belong to a Stark anymore and the North still paid for the rebellion he once started. His father would condemn him if he was still amongst the living.

"I do not get it..." Robb whispers when he feels her lips against the palm of his hand. "...Why you would show me such kindness..." But he does not pull back this time. He just stands there, peering at her underneath the hood of his cloak.

"Sweet Jeyne..." The words come out in a sigh while he strokes her cheek carefully.

[goodandtrue]

"Robert," she said softly, repeating it for her memory. He would be haunted by the past and she would be haunted with the knowledge that she was the cause of his downfall. For the rest of her life, she would carry that weight and guilt, knowing that she was the reason his men turned against him. She was the daughter of a Lannister bannerman, a woman of no merit or worth, a whore that surrendered her maiden head and broke the king's vows. It was her family that had plotted his death and it was a shame that would never die.

It didn't change how much she longed for him and the life that she still hoped to share. They were one and always had been one, no matter the odds and disapproval. He was a part of her and she would always long for him. Whatever state or form he was in, he would forever be her Robb. Her king and husband.

"Because you are mine and I am yours." She murmured, leaning her cheek more against his hand, the soft skin brushing along his callouses. It was a testament to the harsh living he had endured, but it didn't matter. Robb's heart beat beneath the surface. He lived, it was all she prayed for, just a chance to see him again.

"I love you." She said fiercely, reaching to clasp his face between her hands, drawing him into a kiss.

[kingofbadlifechoices]

"Robert..." he repeats, nodding shortly. No one should know his name, his background. Gods, no one should know his hair was actually a dark shade of red. Any idiot with eyes in their head would connect him to Riverrun. They would capture him for a second time and he's quite sure they would not be so 'kind' as they were earlier. "My father named me after him...King Robert Baratheon..."

It was a long time and for a moment Robb is aware of a pang of guilt in his chest. His father...his family...their castle.

He drops his hand quickly and hides it back into the sleeve of his shirt when he feels how she leans into his touch. Yet, when he wants to turn away she declares his love for him, hands sliding over his cheeks so she can pull him into a kiss. And all he can hear is the deafening sound of his heart and this voice telling him that he isn't that man anymore.

"Jeyne...I am not him..." Robb pulls back a little, looking at her with wide eyes and somewhat of a scared look on his face. He swallows thickly and sighs afterwards. "It will take time..."

[goodandtrue]

She frowned, frustrated at his repeated reminder that he was a changed man. "I know, Robert." The new name strange on her tongue. "But do you think that will change my feelings for you? You may no longer be the man you were before, but it doesn't alter anything for me. I still love you as much as I did before." Perhaps more, grateful to have him back in her life after believing he was gone for good. He was more precious to her than ever before.

"You look for reasons to push me away, but it is impossible. The only means that you could extract me from your life is by telling me that you no longer care for me or want me. Tell me that and I will go. No matter what you choose, Westeros holds nothing for me anymore. But if there is still a part of you that loves me, then stop reminding me you are different now. I know that and I don't care."

It would take time. Yes, she knew that as well. She would not press him for what he couldn't give. Touch, kisses, everything, it would wait until he was ready. "Do you wish to come with me, no matter what you might fear? I want you, I will always want you."